


Going Back

by lissaann



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-31
Updated: 2008-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:03:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lissaann/pseuds/lissaann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam seeks solace after Dean's deal came due.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Back

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry…I indulged myself a little on this one. I started it and it kinda got away from me. This is a story I was hoping someone else would write for me, but when I realized that it wasn't going to happen, I decided it needed to be done. Hope you enjoy!

I realized that I could post my fic for [](http://fandom-stocking.livejournal.com/profile)[**fandom_stocking**](http://fandom-stocking.livejournal.com/), since none of you are the recipients!

So, Sam/Sarah. 'Cause no one else would.

==========

Once he had done what Ruby had said and sobered up, in the midst of the haze of grief and regret that filled his head, he remembered Sarah.

 _You know, when this whole thing is done, we could stick around for a little bit,_ Dean had said.

 _Maybe you’ll come back and see me,_ Sarah had said.

Maybe Sarah could touch his heart again.

=====

She was surprised to see him at the wrought iron door when he rang the bell. Pleasantly, but still surprised. “Sam?”

“Hey, Sarah.”

She looked at him, seeing the grief in his eyes. It was different this time, more than the last time she had seen him. “Where’s Dean?” she asked, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Sam hesitated before he answered. “He died.” He gave a heartless chuckle. “See what I said about being a curse?”

Sarah’s hand went up to his cheek. “It’s not true, Sam. You’re not at fault for this.”

Sam turned his head away from her. She could see him blinking rapidly, trying to keep the tears from falling.

“I’m sorry, Sam.” Her hand moved up from his cheek to the back of his neck, gently tickling the hair at the nape. She pulled him in, kissed his cheek, then kissed his mouth. It was a gentle, soft kiss, lips briefly on lips, to let him know she was there, to let him know he was welcome.

As she ended the kiss, Sam pulled her closer to him and kissed her hungrily. His tongue was instantly granted access when he licked at her lower lip. Her hands tangled in his hair, holding him to her, keeping him in the kiss.

“I missed you, Sarah,” he whispered into her ear.

“I’m glad you came back,” she answered.

=====

Sarah asked Sam out to dinner, merely as a formality, remembering how hard it was for him to ask her when they first met. They went to a much more casual restaurant than they had for their first dinner. She tried to keep the conversation light, talking about the auction house and the recent estate sales they had been holding. Sam’s eyes were looking towards her, but she felt him look right through her. She paused, hoping the silence would catch his attention. “Sam?”

“Huh?” He blushed slightly. “I’m sorry. My mind was elsewhere.”

“I could see that,” she told him, her voice free from any accusation. She debated whether to broach the topic she wanted to know about, then felt that he needed to talk about this. “Sam,” she said quietly. “What happened with Dean?” Sam lowered his head. “Please don’t tell me that it’s a long story for another time.” Their meals arrived and they began to eat.

Sam had to smile when she said that, remembering that he had tried to avoid conversation the first night they had gone out. He kept his head lowered. “A little over a year ago,” he said, voice just above a whisper, “I died.”

Sarah gasped. “What?” she asked with confusion.

“I was stabbed in the back. My spinal cord was severed. I died in Dean’s arms.”

“But…”

Sam nodded. “Dean couldn’t live without me. He made a deal with a demon. The demon offered him one year to live and in exchange, she would bring me back. I tried everything to get him out of the deal. I couldn’t. He’s in hell, because of me. And now, I’m living without him.”

Sarah reached across the table and took Sam’s hand, squeezing it briefly. How do you respond to someone telling you that? ‘I’m sorry’ seemed to be too trite. “I’m glad you haven’t done anything stupid,” she replied.

He shook his head. “Not for lack of trying.”

“Sam, that’s not what Dean would have wanted for you.”

“You’re not the first to say that.” He blew out a long breath. “That’s why I came here. I _did_ do something stupid. I thought maybe if I came here to see you, I could push it out of my mind.”

“Whatever it is, Sam, I’ll do my very best to help.” She caught his gaze. “Even though I haven’t seen you in three years, you’ve meant a lot to me.” It was her turn to blush. “I thought about you, a lot. I wished that you’d come back. Not like this, of course. Regardless, I’m really glad to see you.”

"Shall we head out?"

She nodded and dropped some bills on the table. She took his hand and led him to her car. "Back to my place?"

"Well, since my car is there," he answered.

She laughed, and it was such a beautiful sound to Sam. The most beautiful sound he'd heard in a long time. He turned his head and looked at her profile, remembering how attracted he was to her and mentally cursing himself for not coming back sooner.

They got back to her house and she brought him into the living room. Just inside the room, Sarah pulled Sam close to her in a hug, wrapping her arms around him. She felt his arms close around her and his head fell to her shoulder. The next thing Sarah knew, Sam was shaking in her arms, hot tears on her skin. She held him and rocked him, trying to soothe him through his sobs, murmuring quietly in his ear all the reassurances she could. "It's okay, Sam," she told him softly. "Let it go. Let it all go. I'm here." Sam couldn’t hold back as his grief, which he had been holding in for so long, masking it with alcohol and visions of revenge, overtook him. He'd never let himself cry for Dean. He'd never let Ruby see that from him. He had to show Ruby he was tough as nails, driven and angry. But with Sarah, he felt safe enough to allow himself to feel the fear and sadness he had tried to bury. She was so tender with him, holding him together as he threatened to break apart under the strain of keeping his emotions inside.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he said to her, his voice scraping rough as he tried to calm himself. "I never meant…"

"Shhh. It's okay, Sam, really. Whatever will help, honestly."

Sam pulled himself together, still clutching onto her. She kissed his temple and his cheek softly. He then raised his head, looked deep into her eyes and kissed her. The kiss began soft, tentative, waiting to see how she would react. She met his mouth, slipping her tongue in between Sam's lips, deepening the connection. Her hand slid through his hair, reassuring him through touch that she wanted this too. "Sarah," he whispered breathlessly.

"Sam," she breathed. "Are…are you sure?" She kissed him before he could answer her.

Sam pulled his mouth away, looked at her and nodded. "Sarah, please."

"Yes," she answered as moved away from him to strip off her clothes. He watched as she revealed her body, pulling her in briefly, his hands against her soft skin, before undressing himself. She pulled him down onto the rug, straddling him, her hands learning every plane and muscle of his torso and arms. His hands roamed her form, drinking in her softness. He pulled her down into a kiss. She began to map his body with her mouth, sucking and biting and tasting.

He pulled her hips closer and lifted her up, guiding himself inside her. She rode his lean, lanky body. She took his hand, fingers intertwining with his. His hand slid down between them, stroking her. She panted out his name over and over until he felt her clench around him as her climax rolled through her. Feeling her flutter around him, his orgasm took him hard, gripping her hand tightly. She lifted herself off him and moved to his side, curling herself into him, nuzzling his neck. His arms came around her and held her close, stroking her back with small circles. He listened to her breath as she fell asleep, continuing to caress her softly as he contemplated how different this was then with he was with Ruby. Ruby was harsh, cold, unfeeling, simply self-destructive and looking for anything to fill the void in his soul. Looking at Sarah, he knew that this was making love, connecting him to her, to take away some of the emptiness of his heart. He closed his eyes, breathing in her scent, allowing himself to sleep.

=====

Sam stayed with her for two weeks, Sarah letting him break down when he needed to, putting him back together with tenderness and love.

He began to talk about leaving. She tried to talk him out of it, telling him that she loved him, wanted him to stay with her, think about building a life with her, away from the ghosts and evil he spent so much time in his life around.

"I can't," he told her. "I can't while Dean is in hell because of me. I need to fix it. I need to bring him back," He paused. "I don't really remember what love feels like, it's been so long, but I think that what I feel for you is probably the closest I've felt in a long time."

"Then stay. Work from here."

He shook his head. "In order to do this, I need to hunt down what took him. It's not here."

"Sam, it's too dangerous."

"Sarah, I _have_ to. He's there because of _me_. Don't you understand?"

"I wish you wouldn't go," she said softly.

"Maybe…maybe I'll be back."

"I hope so," she answered. She walked him to the door, watched him get into the Impala and drive down the road towards his mission. She sighed. "I love you, Sam," she whispered sadly. "Please come back to me."


End file.
